Here are a few I just found in my jokes folder:


AUTO REPAIR

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What'* the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


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SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


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EXPOSURE


A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right

breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." He says. She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

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RIVER WALK

There'* this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I

get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down

the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

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KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned

on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back,

"IT'* A SCARF!"

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BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian

said, 'We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"


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IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


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FINAL EXAM

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists

of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

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Subject: THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came

out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

(are you ready? . this is a beauty ...)


My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

Okay, one more:

A blonde'* car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she
eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of
the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats who
walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic
and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...




Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.

It'* not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled

vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop...

And she said....


(This is good...)




(Ready?)




(Remember, she'* a blonde...)


"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

"rechecking my answers."